Updates and Miscellany

• Here's an article in the New York Times about State Fairs and various comestibles served at State Fairs.  Nothing quite as extravagant as the Luther, but, in Ohio, more examples of the trickle-down foodie trend of sweet/salty:  deep fried buckeyes and chocolate bacon (on a stick). 

• Grape pie was tasted by others and enjoyed. See picture below.  Probably would look better with whipped cream or a garnish of lemon peel.

Grape Crow Pie or Hello, My Name Is Blank And I Spend Too Much At CostCo

The other day I met a very nice lady who is a professional organizer.  As you can guess, I tend toward the antithesis of both “professional” and “organizer.”  Although, I do seem to be improving with age. Anyway, the nice lady said to me that CostCo is a deceptive place.  She said most of her clients have a problem because they go there every month, buy too much stuff and don’t have room at home for their purchases.  In the name of saving money they are sowing the seeds of their own disorganization.

Of course, when someone tells me that other people have a problem, I automatically do a brain scan to see if I have a similar affliction (attention deficit disorder?  No, but comte cheese is sometimes a problem for me) and then my superiority gene kicks in and I go on about my day thinking, “Well, I eat too much comte cheese, but at least I can pay attention to details...now where’d I put that cheese?”   So, when the professional organizer brings up habitual CostCo shopping I automatically want to blurt out, “I only shop every six weeks at CostCo, I can store the stuff I buy because my rule for the semblance of organization I do keep is if you don’t have a bunch of stuff you don’t have to organize it (though architect Mies van der Rohe put it much more succinctly) and they have the most comte cheese for the best price per pound anywhere!”  But I hold myself back and silently spin into my usual state of denial.

I am confident, almost cocky, when I go to CostCo the next day after meeting Organizer Woman.  I even went with a weekly meal plan in hand.  I specifically  chose to go to CostCo because I was spending money at Target (my true disease, but I did have a list) and CostCo is next to Target and I didn’t want to go to a third store for groceries. I was planning, for once, to save time and money. Now, that’s organized.

Two meals hinged on pine nuts (flank steak coated in pine nuts and a pesto with farmer’s market basil that was soon to expire).  I also needed milk boxes for Bartleby’s school lunches.  I came out with neither (shame on me for waiting on the milk boxes until the week school starts) and I was still $150 lighter than when I went in.  Normally, I wouldn’t care.  I’d think that as usual, I’d done really well at the warehouse.  But this time, Organizer Woman must have scrambled my brain with her micro-organizing waves or something and I felt really cheated. 

CostCo used to sell huge amounts of pine nuts for pennies on the dollar. Not that day.  Maybe no more. I left with a pounds of California seedless table grapes, spinach, carrots, flank steak, dried mushrooms, bread, pasta (ravioli for grownups and fish-shaped ravioli for kiddos), petite cucumbers, Go Gurts, mini-humus packs (for Bartleby’s lunches) eggs and cereals.  Not one stray item, not one extra treat (OK the gourmet dried fruit may have been excessive)!  And now, I had to do something with it all and I had to hustle or I would waste my “savings”.

The carrots I dispatched to a pot of boiling water so that The Baby Whose Name Is Not Phoebe could eat them.  The mushrooms, spinach and flank steak became Sauteed Mushrooms, Spinach and Flank Steak (a recipe so self-evident I won’t bother to describe it, just remember dried mushrooms must be soaked about 30 minutes in warm water before use). The grapes, however, were especially troublesome because of their size and quantity. Like the Goblin fruit from the Rosetti poem (look it up) I was in danger of becoming their victim.  I packed up a bunch for my babysitter to take.  But she forgot them.  I packed up another bunch for my mother to take, but she forgot them as well.  There was only one thing to do...make them into pie and then eat the pie as penance (as you may know, it’s that time of year for us Jewish folk). 

Because the pie comes out a grapey black I’ve name it Grape Crow Pie.  And it’s really good.  Not a hard penance, just a little strange.


Grape Crow Pie

Heat your oven to 350 degrees F.  Take about 18 graham crackers and make a crust to thickly fill an eight inch pie plate.  I’m going to assume you know that graham cracker crust consists of crushed graham crackers and melted butter and you know the steps to preparing it.  It does help to have a five-year-old who likes to hammer, but make sure to seal the ziplock tight. 

Once the crust is in the pie plate, pre-bake it at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes and leave the oven on for later. Now, start on the grape filling.  In a large pot, pour about 1/4 cup of pomegranate or grape juice, add about a pound or more of large, black, seedless grapes (the ones from CostCo are truly lovely), bring to a boil and reduce to simmer, covered about 15 minutes, then uncovered for a bit, until you have very soft, mushy grapes and some liquid left in the pot.  Pour the grapes into the crust and let cool for a minute.  Sprinkle about 2 Tablespoons of confectioners sugar over the top.  Return the filled pie to the oven.  Bake until your kitchen smells sugary or the top of the pie has turned dark and glossy, about eight minutes.  Allow to cool slightly before serving warm. 

It will taste like plum pie, but grapey, and the crust will soak up the fruitiness and become delightfully mushy.  If you had pine nuts, you could put them on top as a garnish.  I did not, needless to say, have pine nuts.

Chickpea Mistake

On the continuing theme of repenting one’s mistakes before the Jewish New Year begins, I give you the somewhat original recipe that I call Chickpea Mistake.  But, in this case the lesson is not recognize the mistake and repent, but to recognize, as a certain major Judeo/Christian deity did in the story of Abraham/Sarah/Hagar/Ishmael told at this time of year (you may look it up on Wikipedia), the mistake will serve a purpose later on and it may not be worth mentioning at all.  Plus, your mistake can be eaten.

The ingredients:  chickpeas (one can, canned), rice (cooked, about 1 cup, of sticky Asian variety), herbs (mint and parsley), garlic (smelly and diced), tomatoes (crushed, also canned), peas (a handful, frozen and microwaved), cumin (dusty) and olive oil (yummy, and only a teaspoon or two because we're not making falafel). 

Make the meatless meatball mash by pulsing the chickpeas in the food processor with mint and parsley, salt and pepper, remove to a bowl and mix with the rice. 

If you make the first attempt to form balls at this stage, as I did, the balls will dry and fall apart when heated in the olive oil with garlic (browned).  Please eat the first mistake, if you make it.

Before attempting again, add about two teaspoons of crushed tomatoes to the mixture of until it is the consistency of chopped meat, form into balls, set aside.  Heat your pan, add oil and the diced garlic.  Now, add the balls to the hot, garlicky oil.  This will give you a fried mash that may settle into a state that is not quite a ball, not quite a patty, but that's good enough. 

When nicely browned, put the chickpea “mistake” in a bowl. Scrape all the crunchy mix of browned garlic and stray rice off the bottom of the pan and dump it over the mistake. Ignore any sudden concern that the husband/significant other/food critic will not want to eat this.  Soldier on, please.   Add peas, a dollop of crushed tomato and sprinkle of cumin.  Reheat in the microwave when the husband/significant other/food critic comes in the door.  Serve with side salad.

When the husband/significant other/food critic asks you what it is say “Bukharan Vegetarian Meatball” because references to Uzbekistan always throw people off.  When he asks if you made this, as opposed to your best friend Trader Joe, say yes.  When he asks you if the recipe is so and so’s, claim it as your own.  It will turn out that he likes Bukharan Vegetarian Meatball and will want you to make it again.

P.S. Chickpeas are a food traditionally served for the Jewish New Year.  The shape and color of the ball/patties are, coincidentally, symbolic of coins, to bring wealth and happiness.  If you like this recipe, go ahead and serve it.  Your guests who may be following vegetarian/vegan diets will love it.

Daniel Vs. Luther - A New Year's Reflection

Mistakes. We all make 'em. As the Jewish New Year draws closer (and yours truly, Clever Gretel, celebrates this holiday, usually with a few stiff drinks before dealing with the menu) we ponder our sins and, ultimately, ask forgiveness. I have committed many sins. One of them is relying too often on the pizza man or, worse, a guy named Bob Evans, to provide food for my family. However, I was busy adding another member to said family, the Lovely Baby Named Phoebe, whom we will call Winnie, for short. This curtailed my desire to think about food, eat like a normal person or cook for the better part of the past two years (has it really been that long?).

But there are other sins out there I ask you to consider. For me, this one would have been impossible to write about in my formerly pregnant state. In recent weeks, there's been much hooplah about The Doughnut Burger, currently being served at state fairs around our country. In the spirit of culinary equanimity I ask you: how big a sin is it? Is it contributing to the scourge of obesity besetting our country? Or is it merely a low-brow version of a burger on a brioche? Famed Chef Daniel Boulud stuffs his with assorted fillings, such as foie gras, short ribs, truffles etc., so what about an indulgent burger for the rest of us?

Consumers of The Doughnut Burger (also called The Luther, as in Vandross) said, in USA Today, they liked the sweet/salty combination of meat and sugar. Doesn't everyone? So, I ask you, what is American barbecue enjoyed with cornbread if not sweet/salty plus spicy? What is a delicious dim sum without a savory/sweet pork bun? Isn't that just bacon in a cupcake?

A quick look at the nutrition facts and exercise estimates via the Calorie King reveals that you only have to walk a bit further to burn off the doughnut burger than the burger on brioche. Here are the stats:

A brioche from the Breadsmith has 140 calories, Total Fat 8g, Sat. Fat 4.5g, Trans Fat 0g, Cholesterol 55mg, Sodium 150mg, Total Carbs. 15g, Dietary Fiber 0g, Sugars 2g, Protein 3g, Calcium 10mg. Time needed to walk off brioche: 39 minutes.

Now add the burger: A 3.5 oz. burger contains: Calories 250, Total Fat 9g, Sat. Fat 3.5g, Fat 0.5g, Cholesterol 25mg, 520mg, Total Carbs. 31g, Dietary Fiber 2g, Sugars 6g, Protein 12g Calcium 100mg. Time needed to walk off burger: 69 minutes.

Here's the data for one Krispy Kreme Glazed Original Doughnut: Calories 200, Total Fat 12g., Sat. Fat 6g, Trans Fat 0g, Cholesterol 5mg, Sodium 95mg, Carbs. 22g, Dietary Fiber 0.5g,
Sugars 10g, Protein 2g, Calcium 60mg. Time needed to walk off doughnut: 55 minutes.

But, here's the rub, The Doughnut Burger is made with two, I repeat, two, doughnuts. So, double all of the nutrition data above and add another 55 minutes of walking. You can walk off the Doughnut Burger in around 3 hours, as opposed to around 2 for the brioche burger. You can easily burn that walking around the State Fair. Granted, I am not including any burger toppings, such as cheese or bacon or State Fair calves liver (that was a joke, but, really, why not? Daniel would do it). I also suspect I am making a large assumption on burger size. Who eats a 3.5 ounce burger anymore?

Still, hypothetically, even if the burger is a six-ouncer, if The Doughnut Burger is the ONLY food you eat at the State Fair and you visit every exhibit, resting only to watch the little girls in 4H march with their sheep, you aren't committing so grave a sin. You could even, in theory, ask for the burger to be served on just one doughnut, cut in half, like the brioche. This would reduce the penance of walking by an hour. You might even get to skip the sheep viewing.

And speaking of walking as penance, bear in mind that Clever Gretel resides in Cincinnati, where local Catholics walk the steps of Mt. Adams as penance on Easter, after or before eating a meal of Goetta (a loaf of steel cut oats and hamburger meat, sliced and fried, over which one might, if one so chooses, pour syrup. Ah ha! There's that sweet/salty thing again, but now with a hint, of dare I say, the divine?).

In conclusion: I can condemn the sins of sloth and gluttony. I can rail against the lack of produce in less affluent neighborhoods and abundance fast foods, poor school nutrition and lack of preventive care for Type Two diabetes, for these represent the sin of not caring for ourselves and our neighbors. Yet, I cannot entirely condemn The Doughnut Burger. It is a choice, like so many others, that can be managed have we the will to do so. Therefore, I place it on the ever-expanding continuum of indulgence our society is known for and move on, perhaps to something more palatable. Fried butter anyone?

An Old Stand-By

I was reminiscing with Lincoln the other day about how we are not strangers to financial pressure and scary unemployment figures. It just seems so long ago...the turn of the century, when cell phones were a bit thicker, a twitter was the sound of a bird outside your window and on-line communities were still posting text to Usenet. He reminded me that our experience with hard times goes way back - as children, we witnessed the recession of the 80s and were job seekers during the sink hole of the early 90s. I reminded him that despite the hefty weight of student loans, we managed to have a lot of fun on no money. We both remembered the proud moment we paid off Lincoln's J.D. in three years (faster than Barack and Michelle Obama, by the way) and our financial adviser asked us, "How did you do it? Did you live on macaroni and cheese?" No, but we did eat a lot of meals like this one:

Pasta Al Tonno (Tuna Pasta)

I originally learned this recipe from Cucina Ebraica by Joyce Goldstein, but over time, have adapted it to my own taste. You can play around with it. Leave the tomato paste out or use garlic instead of onion. Omit the red wine and use canned tomato instead to make it more sauce-like than solid. This is a recipe that will let you find your own way.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
1 cup of parsely, chopped
1 can of tuna - I use solid white in water, but you can use Italian tuna in oil.
About 6 anchovies or to your taste
1 teaspoon capers
2 teaspoons of tomato paste
1/4 cup of red wine

2 cups rigatoni, penne or linguine noodles

Follow directions for cooking pasta, drain and place in large bowl. While pasta is on the stove, heat a frying pan and add olive oil. Sautee the chopped onion and parsely until soft. Add tuna, anchovies and capers and mix together. Add tomato paste and wine and stir mixture. Add to pasta and blend thoroughly. Garnish with parsely. Serve with crusty bread and salad.

Facebook Chiken

It's official. Blogger readers who are my "friends" can now follow this blog through the Notes section on my facebook page. That satisfies the needs of two electronic communities. Did you know that facebook only allows you to publish one feed to your page? What am I supposed to do for all my other personalities?

Test

This is a test. This is only a test of the facebook/blogger relationship.