Tubby Toast Or The Truth Is Out There

I have a two-and-a-half-year-old son. That means that we are visited, on occasion and against the wishes of our pre-parenting selves, by the creatures known as Teletubbies. We did not invite them. They were on PBS Kids and once Bartleby saw them, we could no longer hide the truth from him, as we had been doing, X-Files style. Tinky Winky, LaLa, Dipsy and Po exist. Bartleby says they are his friends, which means we probably should step up and have another baby soon.

In the past year, I have grudgingly learned to respect the Tubbies and have taken a sort of anthropological interest in these creatures, particularly their food ways. From what I have observed, the Teletubbies are a group of toddlers, aged 18 months to four years. They live independently in a geothermal "smart" house beneath a golf course where technology takes care of their every need, since the Tubbies do not have a mother. I suspect they were grown in a lab, but since we are only given the fact of their existence and no back story (unlike their competitors the Boo Bahs who are atomic particles), that's just a hunch.

The Tubbies live on a diet of Tubby Toast, which is round piece of toast with a smiley face on it, made by an automatic toaster that contains an endless supply of bread. When the toaster goes on the fritz and makes too much toast, the robot vacuum cleaner, Noo Noo, is there to clean up the mess. (I really would like to have Noo Noo in my house, even if he makes mistakes sometimes or gets into mischief, which prompts the Tubbies to call him "Naughty Noo Noo." I think I could love him).

The other component of the Tubbie diet is Tubby Custard, which is a thick, pink substance usually served in a plastic straw/bowl, which both holds the custard and allows the Tubbies to suck it instead of using a traditional utensil, like a spoon. As I learned when I visited London, custard refers to any thick pudding-y substance. It is not necessarily tasty. In our house, we use strawberry yogurt.

This morning my culinary career hit a never before seen level of excellence. I made Tubby Toast (pictured left). To make Tubby Toast, take a glass or a round cookie cutter and cut a circle out of a slice of whole grain bread. Spread with butter or margarine. Mix sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle mixture on the bread and butter in the shape of eyes and mouth. The cinnamon mixture will darken in the toaster. Toast on a medium setting. Bartleby ate both pieces in less time than it took me to write this post.