At The Movies - Theater of The Absurd

We took Bartleby to see his first movie - Wall-E. Like all Disney movies, he was traumatized for the first thirty minutes and then got interested despite himself. This, Maris and I, have referred to amongst ourselves as the Disney Trauma Phenomenon.

Wall-E is about a future world where mankind has trashed the planet, moved to outer space and become an obese race (for both cultural and scientific reasons). At this flick, the Disney trauma phenomenon works in reverse for adults. We are amused by Wall-E's antics as a suave bachelor-robot living alone on a deserted planet and making the best of it with the help of an i-pod Nano and a video of Hello Dolly. But watching the infant-like people in the second half of the film propel themselves around a space station in hovercraft versions of motorized scooters, drink endless "Big Gulp"-type drinks and watch TV continually while robot hairdressers and makeup artists hover around them telling the bloated women how great they look was flat-out depressing. Yet, the movie's ability to make audiences not only understand the link between environment and lifestyle, but motivate to take action fell flat thanks to an all-too-chipper Disney ending aimed at relieving the audience, as a whole, of trauma and guilt induced during the story.

The rubber, digital watch we were given with our tickets as a premium for seeing the movie should have given us a clue we'd be in for a disappointment of Disney proportions, despite glowing reviews in major newspapers. Then, there was the undeniable fact that we went to see Wall-E in A MOVIE THEATER. It's been so long since Lincoln and I have been to the movies we've forgotten that a small popcorn costs $6 and a small soda was $5.75. Lincoln reports that the soda comes in a new kind of cup with a resealable screw cap that allows you to take all the excess soft drink with you, assuming you don't finish it during the movie. He bought a bottled water ($4). These prices did not deter the audience members from buying large- size pop corn and soda which they probably finished (so much for the go-cup) while watching a movie about the perils of consumption. And the watch didn't even work.

Back when Maris and I were growing up, our mother wouldn't let us buy popcorn for the movies. Instead, we popped it at home in our orange electric popper and smuggled it in oily, brown bags into the theater. Homemade popcorn made the movie-theater popcorn all the more desirable and more satisfying on those rare occasions when we had it. These days, what mother would dare defy the corporate movie chains by forcing her children to become smugglers? And, what mother would, even if she had the courage to bring her own popcorn, but forgot it, just buy the small? With mothers' own innate sense of frugality completely busted, what hope have we? The image from Wall-E of the babies in hovercraft walkers, pacifiers in mouths, being instructed by a giant television set floats up to the minds' eye and gives it a punch.

If this post has made you despair, here's a healthy popcorn recipe to cheer you up. It's a variation on one by chef Jean George Vongerichten, who has been mentioned before in this blog (talk about frugal, you don't have to go to any of his stratoshperically-expensive restaurants to enjoy). Smuggle this spicy treat into the theater next time you go:

Hot Pepper Popcorn:

In a small bowl, mix hot chili pepper popcorn and kosher salt (if you are using unsalted popcorn), about a half teaspoon each, more chili if you like really spicy things. In a large popcorn bowl, add a tablespoon of olive oil. Pop a bag of Newman's Own Natural Unsalted Popcorn. Add popcorn to bowl, stir to coat with olive oil. Add spice and salt. Stir again until popcorn is nicely coated. Enjoy.